I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
