I just made out with a guy for $7.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
