And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
