my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
as a side note pls kill me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
