Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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