told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
