Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
