someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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