just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
