My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
