I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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