the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
