I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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