Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
