So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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