Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
