I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
