i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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