Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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