If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
