Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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