Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fill condoms, not promises.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
