You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
