rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
