dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
