I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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