i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
