ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
