i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
