i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
