Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
