that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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