I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
