She went from zero to smokin in five shots
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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