She's JV to your varsity
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize