oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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