My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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