nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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