I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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