new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
