Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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