fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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