I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just pee around me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
