I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
IāM PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
