She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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