I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
