I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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