what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
