Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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