Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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