If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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