he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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