the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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