im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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