I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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