Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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