watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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