does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize