Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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