I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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