I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
