That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
