Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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