Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
