dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
