After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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