She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
