I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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