CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
