Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
God, I missed his penis.
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