I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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