You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
