btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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