I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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