My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
