that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
