She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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