fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
