weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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