I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
