Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
