there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
