wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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