You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
