I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
