well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
