Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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