Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
