I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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