I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
