Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
