If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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