i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
