I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the room spins SO much faster in panama
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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