I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
