strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
