Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
