i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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