The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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